Today I kind of went back a few years ago.When everything was quite messed up but at the same time I had my ROCK.The person that made me choose the path I should take.The one that gave me the reason to be a better me.It's been a while but today I kind of like living in it.Like I'm still at that certain part of my life.And I realized how much I've lost,how much I loved and how much I have taken for granted.
I lost someone very important.Someone who was and will always be a part of my life.Someone who will still keep on giving me a reason to live,that despite the fact that life isn't always so good,there's a always a ray of hope somewhere in the dark clouds.
He was my son.He was 10 years old when I lost him a few months ago from a neurodegenerative disease.The pain and hardships we all had to go through was unbearable.But I am so thankful to be been given a chance to have someone like him become a part of my life and my family's.During those times of hardships I saw how loved I was.The support I got was overwhelming.
And along the way I found someone who's willing to go through that road with me.Someone i can share my pain and disappointments.Someone who might not always be there physically but in heart has never left my side.Now that's another reason for me to see that ray of light,that spark of hope,that reason to go on.
Sometimes losing someone,no matter how painful it is,gives you something that no one can take away from you.There you'll see the people who are true to you.There you'll feel love that you never knew existed.There you'll learn lessons that you'll take with you through life.And there you'll find such strength you never knew you had.
But what would you not give for another moment,for another chance.To see that smile again,to feel the hugs and kisses you knew came from the heart.To feel the unconditional love.How do you heal a broken heart?That even though you know that no matter what you do,deep inside you still hope for a chance to love that person more,to listen more and to spend more time with that person.We take a lot of things for granted and only realize how much we had when it's lost.
What would we not give for another chance to hear that person say "I Love You" to you?I guess if the world is not enough you will be willing to give up time and the whole of the universe to have that chance again.
I don't usually open up about this.I don't usually share how much pain I feel.And even now I don't think I can ever express that pain I am feeling everyday.I try to go on with life the way I should.Knowing that my son would want me to live that way.To try to find happiness despite the fact that he is part of what would make me truly happy.
I can't do much to bring back what was once but I guess I've been left with lots of good memories.And out of that experience found love,strength and hope.
So i guess I'll just to keep those memories alive.Live them once in a while and experience what used to be to be able to go through with life.
I am thankful for this life,knowing how fragile it is.Knowing how short it is.Knowing that in one tick of the clock everything can change.But life,no matter how short can have just so much effect as life lived long.I can say he still had a good life for that short span of time.That for those few years he lived I only have one wish,that I hope he knew we loved him truly and that we always will.
And for that person,I am happy that along the way I found you.I am looking forward to sharing all the years ahead with you.You may not know how loved you are,but you are very much loved by me.And for everything you've done for me,I am forever grateful.And i don't want to take any of our time together for granted.We may may be far apart for now but I hope that one day we would see each other with gray hair sitting hand in hand looking at all those beautiful sunrises and sunsets.Feeling the wind that blows on our faces,hearing the waves of the ocean.Sleeping and waking up in each others arms.
